So I’m here at work, contemplating how to start this post. I got it…
Long time, no see! So if you haven’t noticed, I’ve been absent for a few weeks. Now I’m sure I could come up with a fabulous excuse that would garner sympathy, but I’m not here for sympathy, I’m not here for pity and I’m not here to lie. I’m here to be honest to my self and to you.
So the honest truth? I messed up.
I received my first paycheck from my new job and I was over the moon, and so proud of myself! Then, like the sneaky devils they are. TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER! I was triggered, and I knew it, but instead of working through it. I reverted to my old ways of coping.
Over the course of 3 days I spent $54 binging on food, anything and everything from chocolate to Cafe Rio to mac and cheese. Then, just like clockwork, the feelings of guilt, self loathing and inadequacy followed. Luckily, I was able to recognize it before it got to out of hand, but I was trying to fool myself for a good few days. And that, that is a miserable place to be.
Following this binge, I was mortified and embarrassed. I actually wrote a few posts and filmed a few videos and was ready to publish them. Go along like nothing had happened because I didn’t want anyone to see me as week or incapable. But then I remembered thats not what this journey is about. It’s not about striving to portray an unachievable level of perfection, or appear like I don’t screw up. Its about being truthful and honest.
One thing I have learned the past few weeks, following this slip up, is it completely natural to mess up, and so important not to be mean to your self and not to bully yourself because all that does is hurt you and your self esteem, and could help send you into another binge.
So I hope you read this and realize that everybody messes up, and its about what you do following it, that matters and that will impact your life and your habits.