The Big 300

I have struggled with my weight for as along as I can remeber. During the later 3 year of high school I really started putting on weight and before I knew it I was at 335lbs. That is the highest weight I have reached and it was the most miserable. Every time I ventured out of my room I could feel people’s eyes on me, and whether that really happened or it was just a figment of my imagination, I still felt it. I didn’t want to go anywhere because I was embarrassed of my self. I was using my inhaler after walking up a flight of stairs. My weight was crushing me, emotionally and physically. It’s not easy to share these photos and these numbers, but like I’ve said. The only way for me to loose this weight is to be honest.Screen Shot 2016-01-03 at 10.49.22 AM
Screen Shot 2016-01-03 at 10.49.49 AM

For years I have been wanting to get under 300 lbs. And I never seemed to be able to. When ever I would get close to 300 I would go on a massive binge, and destroy my progress and my bank account. After coming home from England I got under 300, but quickly rocketed back up to 320 at one point. I think I was scared, of what being at a healthy weight would mean for me, what responsibilities would come with that. I was also scared of being over weight, scared of dying at an early age, like so many of my family has. There’s a catch 22 for you!

With my fairly recent change in how I view myself and think about weightloss and food, I haven’t given in to  these fears. Not to say they haven’t popped up, but I am able to see they aren’t rational or productive to my health and wellbeing. I am not saying I have the answer or will never struggle, but with my recent work I am so proud to say that this morning as of 10 am I weighed 298.2 lbs!!!!!!!5726000_orig

Now this is the time for me to keep my self aware and to be very careful. In the past when I have dropped under 300 I have gone right back up. Which is something I am not going to let happen again. I almost just wrote, ” which is something I will try to not let happen again” but thats a loop-hole that my addiction to food would gladly exploit. 

Because this is the time that I need to be extremely careful with my self and what I eat, I’ll be back here. Tuesdays and Fridays with updates, progress pictures, and my ramblings about life. I also will be posting a weekly weigh-in’s every Sunday. This maybe a bit extreme, sharing this with whoever wants to read it. But I want need a place to keep my self honest, and a place that I can look back on when I am struggling, to see what I have accomplished. I also hope that documenting my journey of weight loss and health could help one of you to realize that no one is perfect and all you need to do is keep trying.

 

See you Tuesday,

xx-Ruzele

2 thoughts on “The Big 300

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