I can remember being at 330 pounds and struggling to walk up the stairs without getting winded. Now I am 75 pounds lighter and it doesn’t feel like much time has passed.
I find this so odd because I wanted for years and YEARS to loose weight, it was a constant obsession to the point where I would look at “thinspo” online for hours and play out scenarios in my head of how fantastic my life would be once I looked like those girls . But I never took the steps to get there. I would spend so much time wallowing in depression and constantly dwell on how I wasn’t skinny or how I was to fat to shop in “normal” stores. But I literally never did anything about it!!!
I doesn’t make sense looking back at it now. I wasted years in this pit of sadness and self-loathing. I have come to another realization. I will never look like those “thinspo” photos, because most of them are not real. They are heavily altered and manipulated to make you think the “ideal” body is never achievable. Once I stopped looking at those photos and stopped trying to get a body I will never have, is when my goal became attainable. Instead of telling my self that my body needs to match those photos, I CHOSE to work towards a body and mind that was healthy and happy. Since this change I have lost 75 pounds and am not stopping until I reach my goal.
The thing is, I don’t think I will ever reach a “final goal”. If I do, what is there preventing me from reverting back? I will ALWAYS work towards feeling healthy and being happy. What that means for my physical and weight loss goals will change over time. I don’t think I will ever reach a point where that wont be a goal for me, that’s not to say I wont celebrate milestones, and obviously when I reach my weight loss goal of loosing 200 pounds there will be a huge celebration (that doesn’t involve food) because that is a huge accomplishment! (no pun intended).
I have changed more in the last 6 months both physically and mentally, than I have in my entire life. I am learning to be responsible and what it means to be a healthy and functional adult. I just filed my own taxes for the first time! As the scale is going down lower and lower I have found that I am more inclined to take on more responsibility, and feel more like an adult and less like a burden. I was always scared that I wouldn’t have the ability to be a healthy adult, and now that I am becoming that person I can’t even explain how it feels. I am proud of my self, and am starting to feel like I am enough. I never thought I would feel that!
You are worth the effort and hard work it takes to become content with yourself and proud of who you are. I am not saying that I am there yet, but I am starting to understand what that feels like and I hope everyone can understand this feeling as well.
I will see you on Wednesday for the weigh in! I posted a new vlog this week that you can check out here: