So I just weighed in this week at 259! I said it out loud in the class and I actually couldn’t believe it. It doest seem real the I am in the 250’s! That is only 1 pound this week, but I’m still ok with that, it’s still a loss!
I had a hard time this week, I think being sick threw me off. I wasn’t working out and for almost 2 days I hardly ate anything. What makes this program relatively easy is the consistency of it. There are only a few different things that I can have, so its easy to tell my self no. When I started to get my appetite back after I was sick I found my self wanting add a bunch of unnecessary additions like olive oil or vegan mayo. When I was young and got sick, I had pretty much a free pass to eat what ever I want because “it would make me feel better”. So now when I am actually sick, those old habits and thoughts came back up. I found my self having a can of black beans and I added..get ready to be grossed out…ketchup, salsa, vegan mayo, balsamic vinegar and olive oil! What?!?
As I’m typing this out I recognize how gross this sounds, and it wasn’t very tasty. It was like I was craving a flavor overload, and after I ate it I felt unsatisfied and really guilty. Part of me wishes I was “strong” enough to not have any moments of weakness and be a perfect example. But to be honest, I learn SOOO much more about my self when I mess up. I learn about my triggers and the way I react to different situations. These lessons I learn about my self will help me so much when I reach the maintenance part of Optifast and start incorporating “real” food back into my diet.
I was unsure about posting this because I didn’t want to look weak or imperfect. But I think it is so important to share when we are having a hard time. Ya I screwed up, but I was honest with my self about it and I learned from it. I’m not perfect! But no one is! I am so much happier and healthier than ever before and I feel like I’m really getting to know my self. I am finally becoming the person I want to, and have always known that I am.