Personal style has always been a big deal for me, I can remember shopping with my grandma as a kid (one of her favorite activities) and just being in awe of all the different clothes and styles. I tried my hand at making fashion videos on youtube, and failed because I wasn’t representing myself!
I have always loved the versatility and choice you get with coming up with your own style, you can literally create emotions and stories and make your self feel and look like a completley differant person by changing really small details in an outfit! Considering my strong feelings you would think that I would have had quite the wardrobe, or at least experimented with my clothing or style, but nope! Because I was so overweight, I could only fit in selected clothing. I wore what I could, not what I wanted. I remeber constantly going to Forever 21 or TJ Maxx and scouring thier plus size section in hopes of finding something that somewhat represent what I felt my personal style was at that moment. But I could never find it, what I wanted was accross the isles on the racks that took up the rest of the store. I am not writing this to look or ask for sympathy, I made my self that way, it was my fault. As a high schooler with many personal and family issues going on and being deep into my addiction with food I didnt see it that way, I tried so hard to be who I knew I was inside but the weight held me in and kept me so incredibly isolated. Not only from the clothes, but from being who I always knew I was as a person.
As this weight comes off I am getting closer and closer to being able to fit into “normal” clothes and I am getting nervous! The thought that in the next 6 months (or sooner) I will be able to walk into Urban Outfitters and actually be able to shop and buy clothes, instead of admiring them from afar, is overwhelming! I’m worried I won’t know where to start because I have never had the option to choose the clothes I want to wear. I have just worn the few pieces of clothing that actually fit.
Things are happening and my body is changing faster then my mind can keep up! Just last night my aunt said she could see the muscle in my elbow, she was surprised! I had to buy new underwear because the ones I had we literally falling off of me, my butt couldn’t fill them in anymore and I couldn’t deal with pulling them up to my boobs (speaking of which, they seem to be shirking every day! I can’t keep up!)! I don’t know what the exact point of this post is, other than to express that I am overwhelmed and excited, not just to buy clothes, but to explore and experiment with my style, and I am excited to finally start seeing the changes in my body. I am just beginning to truly see my body, not the blanket of fat that became my security and my armor and if I continued on, my death sentence. And I am excited! I don’t know if I have ever been excited about looking in the mirror before, or going shopping, but I am getting a taste of that and it’s driving toward my goal more and more! I really hope that all of you out there get to feel this feeling as well, it’s not something I can really describe, but its amazing!
If you guys want me to do more style or clothing related posts defiantly let me know below! One of my ultimate goals is to start and fashion blog, not to just showcase my own style, but others as well!
How is your journey going so far this week? Have you had any hiccups, I certainly have! But I am moving forward and that is all that matters! See you on Wednesday for my week 23 weigh in!