I am not sure how to even write this because I want and wish I was a totally confident person, who doesn’t care what people think about me. But thats just not the case right now!
The truth is that I am having a hard time right now emotionally. Part of me is scared of these changes I am making. Scared that if I finally put my self out there after always hiding under all of the excess fat that people will reject me, or won’t want to be friends with me. I know, if I put myself out there with that kind of attitude, no one will want to be around me! So I need to change that attitude and start accepting my self for who I am right at this moment. So much easier said than done.
I am even scared putting this out there! That food addicted part of me is pushing me to go out and grab all of my comforts and drown my self in a pile of wrappers and sugar until I am to numb to realizing that I
want need a life filled with health and happiness. That side of me won’t win, and won’t get its way. I am starting to let my walls down and disarm my defenses, and put my self out there into situations I don’t have planned reactions to. I am insecure, and scared because I don’t know the outcomes and I can’t plan how I will react. I am going to have to trust my self, and trust the work I have been doing will help me make those healthy decisions.
Trust isn’t something that comes easy or naturally for me, but its what I need to do. I need to trust myself, and I need to keep pushing myself. I need to let my fear drive me forward instead of paralyzing me and dragging me backwards.
“20 years from now you will be disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the one’s you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” -Mark Twain
I don’t want to be disappointed with my life, or regret anything. I want to love the feeling of doing something unknown, and embrace change with open arms. So I am going to keep putting my self out there even if I am scared, and continue to make positive changes in my life. Nothing, including my self, is going to ever hold me back from living again.
I hope you guys find something in this post that can help you move forward and continue to make positive change in your life. I am so grateful for all of you, and your incredible support! I wouldn’t be where I am now if it wants for this amazing community! See you on Monday