About The Bikini…

I have been wearing the same 3 outfits over and over again over the past few months and yesterday I decided enough was enough. I haven’t been shopping because I am losing the weight and would only be able to wear the clothes for a small amount of time. I think I also didn’t want to get comfortable at a weight that wasn’t my ultimate goal. This was perpetuating my inability to accept myself as I was and constantly critisice the way I look every time I looked in the mirror. Fast forward to yesterday, I knew I had to get clothes that I felt comfortable in now, because I was starting to become extremely self critical, and wearing clothes that I wore 96 pounds ago wasn’t helping my mindset.

My aunt came with me, because I don’t really know how to shop. It was a blessing to have her there because she kept me grounded and from getting to wrapped up in my own head. After a few mini freak outs I finally relaxed and started choosing clothes to try on. After about 30 minutes I had a good selection of clothes, I doubted any of them would fit me. I reluctantly made my way to the dressing room and started trying on clothes and something I have never experienced before happened…. They fit! Not just the 3x’s, but I mostly fit into 2x’s! What is life?!

Down at the bottom of that pile of clothes I had chosen was a high-rise, hot pink bikini. I don’t know if this was just hopeful/wishful thinking, but I brought it back with me and I tried it on, it fit! Before I post this photo I feel like I should preface this with saying: I am still 239 pounds, I am still fat, and because I have lost almost 100 pounds I have loose skin, and rolls and folds….I am not perfect and don’t intend to be. This is really intimidating posting this, I am trying so hard to not be critical of myself. Enough blabbering…



Trying on these clothes and having them fit was an incredibly rewarding experience, and I ended up buying some clothes that I actually want to wear, instead of settling for clothing that I can wear. I also bought my first hat!



Did I buy the swimsuit? No, but I learned an extremely important lesson from that bikini:

I am still a long way from where I want to be, and holding out on loving myself does nothing but hurt me. I have to work every day on accepting and loving myself and my body in every single stage. I want to be able to look back on this journey and not have any resentments or bad feelings about myself. I want to look back and be proud of who I was during every single step! And so that is what I am going to do!

My name is Ruzele, and even though I want to change my body, I love it for how it is in this moment.


I hope you guys enjoyed this post! I have posted some new youtube videos over the past few days, I will leave them linked below! How was your weekend? Have you ever learned a valuable lesson that you dint expect? Let me know down below!


Author: Ruzele

I am a twenty-six year old lifestyle & health blogger / YouTuber living in Orange County California. From documenting my weight loss of 150 pounds to everyday life/healthy living, my content covers a range of topics and issues! Want to chat? Send me an email!

19 thoughts

  1. You are so gorgeous. This is not a sympathetic comment nor an encouraging one. I really mean it. Your mindset is amazing, and how far you have reached is just magical. Keep it up, you’re seriously doing more than great. Waiting to see those weigh ins continue to drop every time.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Love the hair, hat, outfit, and shoes! Gorgeous! Bikinis are made for teenagers or less, I think. Unless you believe the three tiny triangle types are for all of us. I personally think those are advertisements.(want to see the rest? Let me bend over!). 😱 That’s just my age talking. I was saying to my sister today, oh for the days of my youth, even forties, when I never realized I was a good looking woman. Just couldn’t believe it. So look at yourself in that yellow dress, with that proud smile on your face, and think, I’m gorgeous!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. haaaat!!! yay for the hat!! 😀
    and you look absolutely fabulous in that dress!
    I love everything about this outfit, it’s funky, it’s cute and it’s YOU 😀
    and bikini is NOT just for teens (unless you think tiny triangles), that pink one looks sweet on you and I SO admire you for posting the photo!
    fantastic inspiration 🙂
    I bought myself a strapless, tight dress, it’s BEAUTIFUL and cheap as it was from charity shop, will post pics and wee note on style tomorrow 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha I was waiting for your comment on the hat! I am in LOVE with it!

      Haha I think I will eventually wear a bikini, but that moment hasn’t come yet! Thank you so much! ❤
      Yay I can't wait to see it! I think I will definitely learn to like shopping!
      Thank you for your support! Your awesome!


  4. You are so brave and inspirational. The bikini is just another representation of what society expects us to look like. We need to remember Victoria Secret, and Sports Illustrated models are photoshopped to the point of removing parts of thighs and arms. That’s what we see on a daily basis, not even the real model is good enough for publication.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The hat looks lovely on you with the hair and the dress and youuu wow n now i soo want a hat too😂😂. And i love the bikini too, it looks great and you’re pulling it off so well. You should buy a new one soon! 😊 even i stopped buying clothes lately so that i keep determined to lose weight. Its so hard to keep going though. I keep falling off track and that makes me respect those even more who’ve been trying to follow a healthy lifestyle with persistence. Good job girl!

    Liked by 1 person

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