The Photos I Don’t Want You To See

One of the biggest things I recognized during my Vidcon experience was how judgmental I was of my self. I had the opportunity to meet people who I looked up too and have looked up to for years. When I looked at the photos of my self with my idols. It made me sad. I found my self criticizing every inch and aspect of how I looked. Looking at the photos all I wanted to do was cry.

I was so absent from Instagram because I didn’t want to post any of these photos! I realize now, just like with the bikini, I am not where I ultimately want to be and I need to cut back on the criticism of my self and just enjoy life and enjoy myself! So here are my photos, unedited and unfiltered:


Donal Skehan, an incredibly nice chef from the UK! Insead of binging on food I binge on his videos!

Josh runs a really cool urban exploring channel! Check it out here:


Raya Has a Travel Vlog and Basically Lives My Dream!

Blair was one of the first YouTubers I ever watched and such a cool person!


I am newer to Lexi’s channel but she seems so cool and is one of the most authentic and genuine people on youtube!

Looking back at the photos now I don’t see where that criticism came from. No, I don’t look how I wish I could, but I also don’t look terrible! I think it’s because this was a very vulnerable experience for me, I was hyper aware of my self and of what others thought of me! I went alone and was putting my self out there, not just on the internet, but in person!

When my aunt gave me this ticket in December as a Christmas present it had never occurred to me that I could even go. I never considered it as an option because of how I saw myself, and because of how heavy I was, it literally never entered my mind that I could actually go and be successful at meeting people and putting my self out there. Thats exactly what I did and I now realize how far I have come, not just weight wise, but as a person and a healthy functioning adult!

Vidcon was such an incredible learning experience for me, I feel like I am starting to know my self better and realize what I want from my life and what I need to do to get there! I learned so many amazing things which I can’t wait to share with you, and met some amazing people who I can’t want to talk to more!

My question for you: What do you do to get out of the hyper critical head space that comes with weight loss or any major change? Let me know below!



Author: Ruzele

I am a twenty-six year old lifestyle & health blogger / YouTuber living in Orange County California. From documenting my weight loss of 150 pounds to everyday life/healthy living, my content covers a range of topics and issues! Want to chat? Send me an email!

4 thoughts

  1. Those photos are great, and you should show them. I am so much older than you and only recently felt “good enough” to have my picture taken. What a shame. I am not photogenic, but just this year, had courage enough to put my picture on Facebook. How silly of me. You are what you are. It’s the media that tells us what “they” think we should be like. It sells, that’s their only reason. Money. So that’s what you should realize. They don’t care at all how they are making young people feel inadequate. The photos are not real. They are photoshopped. Your photos are beautiful, believe it! Your sunny personality shows right through in your smile, and your eyes. Continued good luck!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Really good photos! Agree with “Rugby” up there. You’ve got a really great smile and that outfit you picked on the cover photo’s awesome too. Looking good for sure. Get yourself down to more conventions and put yourself out and about a little more 😉 I think everyone has a worry about how they look when they’re out in the public. I’ve been out lots of times where people are walk by and they’re smiling at something and I can’t be sure if it’s something I’m wearing or something else and I’m like WTF? I just kind of say to myself “Look, I’m in a good place right now. I’m feeling good. It’s a nice day. I’m going to enjoy myself.” Got to create a positive aura or something like that 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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