One of the biggest things I recognized during my Vidcon experience was how judgmental I was of my self. I had the opportunity to meet people who I looked up too and have looked up to for years. When I looked at the photos of my self with my idols. It made me sad. I found my self criticizing every inch and aspect of how I looked. Looking at the photos all I wanted to do was cry.
I was so absent from Instagram because I didn’t want to post any of these photos! I realize now, just like with the bikini, I am not where I ultimately want to be and I need to cut back on the criticism of my self and just enjoy life and enjoy myself! So here are my photos, unedited and unfiltered:
Donal Skehan, an incredibly nice chef from the UK! Insead of binging on food I binge on his videos! http://www.donalskehan.com/
Josh runs a really cool urban exploring channel! Check it out here: https://www.youtube.com/user/theartofrealitycrew
Raya Has a Travel Vlog and Basically Lives My Dream! https://www.youtube.com/user/RayaWasHere
Blair was one of the first YouTubers I ever watched and such a cool person! https://www.youtube.com/user/juicystar07
I am newer to Lexi’s channel but she seems so cool and is one of the most authentic and genuine people on youtube! https://www.youtube.com/user/beautyrush315
Looking back at the photos now I don’t see where that criticism came from. No, I don’t look how I wish I could, but I also don’t look terrible! I think it’s because this was a very vulnerable experience for me, I was hyper aware of my self and of what others thought of me! I went alone and was putting my self out there, not just on the internet, but in person!
When my aunt gave me this ticket in December as a Christmas present it had never occurred to me that I could even go. I never considered it as an option because of how I saw myself, and because of how heavy I was, it literally never entered my mind that I could actually go and be successful at meeting people and putting my self out there. Thats exactly what I did and I now realize how far I have come, not just weight wise, but as a person and a healthy functioning adult!
Vidcon was such an incredible learning experience for me, I feel like I am starting to know my self better and realize what I want from my life and what I need to do to get there! I learned so many amazing things which I can’t wait to share with you, and met some amazing people who I can’t want to talk to more!
My question for you: What do you do to get out of the hyper critical head space that comes with weight loss or any major change? Let me know below!