I still can’t believe I have lost 100 pounds, part of me still thinks I’ll get on the scale and it will say I am back in the 300’s. I am 34 pounds away from being in onederland! Being in the 100’s has been something I have dreamt about for the longest time and it is definitely the next big milestone I will be hitting! I can’t believe how fast this process has gone! If you told me a year ago I would weigh 233 pounds and actually be successful and healthy about loosing weight, I wouldn’t believe you!
It’s like the move to California jump started the process. Coming here I was in a new place with almost no family, I was completely forced out of my comfort zone. I love Utah, and will always love my hometown, that being said I have so many painful memories attached to my hometown, it was hard to keep mentally healthy. I also had my routines, I knew I could go to Smith’s and get a family size pre made mac and cheese, I could go to Cafe Rio and binge on their pork salads and dressing, and go to wendys or mcdonalds and know where to park so no one would see my stuffing my face. I was comfortable and it was so easy to be unhealthy. Having to drive past my moms grave, or the home where she died, or the high school that represented the insecure and scared me, was too easy of an excuse to use to fill the void with food.
I NEEDED to be uncomfortable and in a foreign place. Coming to California I was surrounded by healthy people, and new things that I couldn’t do at the mental and physical state that I was in. For the first time in my life I wanted, enough, to fit in. Yes, I think being original and unique is the best thing you can be, but I also didn’t want to stick out like a whale in a sea of dolphins. I didn’t want people to look at me and not want to be around me, I didn’t want kids to point at me and say to their moms how big I was. I wanted to be healthy like all of the people around me. I wanted to keep up with my cousin, I wanted to want to walk to the beach just for fun. I wanted so incredibly hard, that I realized there was no magic pill or moment that was going to change me. I had to change myself… I had to change for myself and no one else. I realized that I was worth saving.
I didn’t happen right away, I had times where I binged hard on food when I first got here. Unfamiliarity forced me to be aware and stay in the moment. I couldn’t zone out and go through the movements. I had to be aware because I didn’t have those routines and habits. And thats how I realized how much I was actively contributing to an early death. Being surrounded by the real possibility of health and happiness, I realized how much I wanted to know what that felt like, and didn’t want the life I was headed for.
I am not saying you need to make a drastic change, like moving states, to loose weight and overcome food addiction (that addiction will always be part of my life, it just matters how I react to it). Just put yourself in a new situation and make your self accountable. Weather that means going to new stores, confiding in a friend or family member, or like me, start a blog and air your issues with the whole world! There isn’t one thing that works for every person, but there is something out there that will help you, just don’t give up! Keep trying and stop coming up with excuses and you will get there! Even if you don’t totally believe, give yourself the benefit of the doubt, and start saying to yourself that you are enough and you are worth saving. Take every opportunity to improve upon yourself that comes up, I am not perfect at this, but I try and thats all that matters!
What do you do to keep yourself accountable? Let me know below!