Losing weight can be like facing a mounting that has no summit. It can be over whelming and scary! Sometimes it seams like turning around may be the easiest option, but I can tell you from experience that facing that mountain will make it shrink! I can remember waking up and the first thought being how much I didn’t like my self. I was so wrapped up in my eating disorder and food addiction that I didn’t know if I could ever function as an adult. But there was a dim light of motivation deep down burning under all the food and one day I decided to pay attention to that light. With every healthy decision I made that flame got stronger and hotter until I had no choice but to pay attention and keep that fire burning! I want to share with you guys 3 things I did and 1 school of thought that I kept true to at the very beginning of my journey that helped change me and push me forward!
1.Write It Down, The Good And The Bad!
This is honestly the easiest thing to do! You may not want to because it means you have to be honest about what your eating. Try to come from a place of open-mindedness and no judgment, that will do worlds for your self esteem! BEFORE I put anything into my mouth I would write it down! I typically used MyFitnessPal or the notes app on my phone but there are so many options out there that allow you to track food and counts all the nutritional information for you! By tracking your food you will be able to notice patterns within your eating, it will keep you aware and in the moment. It will keep you honest with yourself and force you to be accountable!
2. Ditch The Money!
Money to me meant food, when I got a pay check I would use as much as I could on food. I would go as far as planning out what I would get in the store and where I would go to binge or where I would hide the foods in my room to have later that night! I was so deep in the cycle of binging and purging that eventually, I couldn’t see the light at the top of that hole. But I finally had enough and hit rock bottom. I would do anything to get me out of that hole and I did just that. I cut up all of my cards, stopped having cash with me and took all my money in my accounts and put them into cashier checks and gave them to my aunt to hold on to. When I needed money I would deposit a cashier check and only take the money I needed and kept receipts. I was accountable, to myself and the people I trusted.
3. Get Out!
My room was like my drug den. I had my spots all over the room where I would hide my stashes of food. I would wait until everyone was asleep and dig into that food like there
was no tomorrow. My deepest darkest secrets were in that room, it was like I was wearing a chain around my ankle that bound me to that room. I would walk in my house go immediately into my room and not leave until I had too. I was so ashamed and embarrassed of the cycle I had let me self become a part of.
When I hit rock bottom and realized I was going to die if I didn’t change. I started getting out of my room, even if it was just stepping into the living room or taking a walk outside. I also tried to go with someone else whenever I left so I couldn’t buy something even if I was tempted. Beyond that I got my self a job at a gym..The LAST place I ever thought I would be! But that pushed me so far out of my comfort zone and made me realize that no one is perfect. That person with the body and life you dream of having? They work HARD for it! I knew I had to do the same to get where I wanted and I started working out 2 times a day on my days off just to be around that energy and motivation!
I Am Worth Saving
Most important of all. I didn’t give up! I am not perfect, NO ONE is perfect! Shit will happen and you will run into road blocks or “your shovel will break” but then you dig with your hands! There will come moments when it may seem easier to give up or go back to your old ways but just hold onto that flame and keep pushing even though it is scary, the rewards are more than you can ever imagine and you will reach the point where you realize that you are enough and you are worth saving!
I went to the Beach last night on my own in a tank top for the fist time ever and as I was walking down a street I realized something. Last time I walked down that street, someone yelled out of their car “fat bitch!”. I realized as I was walking yesterday, I wasn’t afraid, I wasn’t afraid of people yelling or staring, I just felt truly and genuinely proud of my self. I realized how much I didn’t care what people thought, that’s not always the case, but in that moment I was just confident within my self and had nothing but respect and love for who I am. Now that feeling isn’t constant, but that is the first time I have ever felt that and its a feeling I want to chase and feel more! I didn’t care if my lose skin flopped around when I walked or if my rolls showed when I was sitting on the sand. I let myself enjoy and embrace the moment and it was one of the purest moments of joy I have ever experienced! I want every single one of you to be able to feel this and you will if you don’t give up and find what works for you and USE it with all your power!
Thats all for tonight and I will see you on Monday!