All I Saw Was Fat

So there are free fitness classes offered at my work. (yes I am in idiot for not taking advantage of them sooner!) I finally decided to go to the intro to fitness class on Thursday, even though I am no stranger to working out with people, I was nervous! But I was also so excited for this because it was another way I could improve myself and be around people who have the same goal!

One of the warm-up exercises involved using those elastic bands, and putting them around your ankles to create resistance on your muscles. As I put the band around my ankles, I looked up in the mirror and all I could think was how fat I looked. As you guys know, I am constantly working on finding things I love about myself and looking at myself in a positive way. So having this thought, and it being so loud in that moment was shocking. I actually stopped and was like, wait, did I just think that? 

I continued the workout for the full hour, and it was one of the best workouts I have ever done! I am still feeling it today! I pushed myself, and was able to do all of the exercises without modifications! I was, and am, around of myself. I would be lying however, if I said I was able to dismiss that one thought I had at the beginning quickly.

Not liking myself is something I am too familiar with, I went through a period of years that I couldn’t stand looking in the mirror or any reflection. Now, I honestly do love myself and my body(most of it at least). Looking at my Instagram feed, you can tell I am OK, and kinda love, posting full body photos. Despite that, this moment, and this one thought was able to make its way to the forefront and put a damper on the rest of the day.

I have had my fair share of messing up on my food, but what do I do? I get right back on the horse and am stronger because of those moments. Maybe this was just like those moments, I have come back from that thought and realized how much I do love my body. I recognize as the skin gets looser and my body keeps changing, there will be things I don’t like an can not immediately change. So maybe this happened to strengthen my resolve and self love, and help prepare me for when those moments come!

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2 thoughts on “All I Saw Was Fat

  1. I hear you – I have had that problem for about 35 years. Every day. I have NEVER been happy about even a small part of my body. When asked what I liked the most about myself I would answer – “the color of my eyes” that was it. And that’s kinda sad.
    Now I can honestly say I like my smile. I like my hands. I like how my body is slowly changing towards what I want it to be. It is a SLOW process to begin to like yourself after spending over 30 years bashing yourself and telling yourself you’re not good enough as is.
    You’re an inspiration Ruzele. And you look gorgeous!

    Like

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