This blog has been my sounding board for all major changes and exciting things in my life and I think that is because this is where I started my journey! I started writing on here before tracking on Instagram and on youtube and that is why I am writing this to you guys today. I will be talking about this on Instagram and youtube later in the week, but this feels like my safe space where I can talk about things that are more sensitive and personal, so read on to hear about some major changes I am making in my life and I would really appreciate your feedback ❤
Ok, so if you would like some music to accompany this post I would recommend the music below because this post is about making one of the biggest changes in my journey so far
I took a look back at my Instagram a few days ago because I was curious to see when I first weighed 217 (my current weight) and I was supprised. The first time I weighed in at 217 was on October 26, 2016. I have weighed the same for 6 months and while I am grateful for where I am and the ability to maintain and not gain. My overall goal has been-and is–to get to a healthy weight, which 217 pounds isn’t.
I have been repeating the same cycle every singe week, and expecting different results (aka the LITERAL definition of insanity!). I would binge after my weigh in because I figured I had the rest of the week to work it off, and I was ravenous from restricting. I would binge on foods that are bad for my body and health. Then I would panic and restrict myself, sometimes going a day or two without eating, which leads to another binge the next week. Sure, I have some good weeks here and there, but overall my approach and relationship to food right now is not healthy and in turn is causing me some major anxiety and depression. Which leads me to one of the scariest decisions I have made in a while.
I will be transitioning off of the Optifast program and on to normal food…
The Optifast program has done wonders for me and enabled me to lose 100 pounds and I am so grateful for it; the doctor I see every week, and the people I have met because of it. Optifast worked for me, and it was the right decision at the time, but it is no longer helping me create that healthy and happy life. Weather that is by my own fault or not, I truly believe in my soul it is time for a change.
This is something I have been thinking about for months, but have been to scared to actually do because I didn’t have faith in myself and didn’t totally trust myself! It easy to say “oh cake? chocolate? high fat/sugar foods, ya I will never go near them again!” But when your in the moment and faced with those foods reacting in a healthy way is so hard, but doable with mindfulness and practice, something I have not done.
Regardless of my fears, I can’t keep doing what I have been doing, and after weeks..maybe even months of meditation and serious thought about this, I can confidently say that I have faith in myself and my ability to continue to lose weight on “normal” food and face my addictions without the need for the program and frankly I am excited! After all, I do need to remind myself that I did loose 35-40 pounds on my own before doing the Optifast program.
I have always known the program wasn’t sustainable or healthy long term and I would at some point, need to start figuring out how to manage my relationship with food, while eating food and it seems that now is as good of time as any other!
I will be talking to my doctor on Wednesday and am planning on slowly transition off of the program and on to a vegan diet, starting with having “real” lunches that I will be meal prepping with the help of my amazing family.
I will still be going in to weigh in and attending the classes every Wednesday so weigh-in Wednesday won’t be going anywhere!
Thank you so much for supporting me and sticking with me through this and I can’t wait to open this new chapter of my life! ❤