The Danger of Loving Yourself “For Who You Are” (And How To Fall In Love With Yourself The Right Way!)

Hey Everyone! So here is the second post from the guys over at! I hope you guys enjoy, and head on over to their site if you have any quesions!


A few weeks ago, I noticed that my 9-year old daughter was watching a day-time TV show that showcased overweight men and women loving themselves “just the way that they are.” In keeping with the topic of the show, the host had twelve women on stage, ranging from bikini models to women who were morbidly obese at 300+ lbs. The women were not the only ones on stage. To the surprise of the audience, twelve men trotted onto the stage, ranging from those sporting a six-pack to those who were also 300+ lbs. The overarching message of this particular episode was to encourage their viewers to shed the social stigmas about being overweight and to “love yourself for who you are.” This is an ongoing cultural theme that has gained significant traction over the last 60 years. Now, before you lynch me for challenging this contemporary trend, let me first say that I have personally coached hundreds of people over my career who fit nicely into the category of being overweight, and I can tell you, without hesitation, that I am their number-one fan and devotee when they are sincerely trying to change their life for the better. I full heartedly believe that we should practice unconditional love towards ourselves and recognize that we are on a life journey that is full of mistakes and learning experiences. These “mistakes” and “learning experiences” are, ultimately, here to help us learn and become better human beings.

I Agree . . . You SHOULD Love Yourself!

Secondly, let me also say that I agree 100% with the basic premise of loving yourself for you are. I believe in unconditional love, and I sense that our world is filled with too much judgement, hatred, and pretense. I firmly believe that every person on this planet should always love themselves and see themselves for the divine being that they are. I believe that we are limitless energetic beings that are only limited by our own negative thinking. This ironically is where my beef comes in.

Now Let’s Be Honest

I have noticed a disturbing trend, both culturally and within the confines of my professional coaching practice, in which people unknowingly limit their own potential by hiding behind the now-popular justification that they should “love yourself for who you are.” In essence, it is easy to hide behind this mantra when we are inwardly ashamed of our own self-defeating and self-destructive behavior. I know this because I have done it myself in different contexts all of the time! I have personally coached hundreds of clients who have been addicted to sugar and processed foods. When they hit a rough patch in their nutrition or fall off the wagon entirely, they often tell me that they “have to accept themselves for who they are.” Again, I agree with the basic premise of this statement, but I emphatically disagree with the END RESULT! The end result is the self-justified and self-defeating behaviors that nearly every one of these “slogan-repeaters” are engaging in!

Getting To The Root of The Problem

Let’s break this down so that you can clearly understand my premise. The heart of the problem stems from confusing “self-love” with self-responsibility. While these are different concepts, they are not mutually exclusive. Specifically, self-love first demands self-responsibility! These two components of the human experience are inextricably linked whether we like it or not! Paul Chek from the CHEK Institute gives a great definition of spirituality. He states “true spirituality is taking responsibility for yourself on a moment-to- moment basis.” Amen, brother!

When we forsake our responsibility to take optimal care of ourselves through mental, nutritional, or spiritual practices (or lack thereof), we CANNOT truly love ourselves! It is literally impossible on a physical, emotional, mental and spiritual level!

“While these are different concepts, they are not mutually exclusive. Specifically, self-love first demands self-responsibility! These two components of the human experience are inextricably linked whether we like it or not!”

This may be hard for you to accept on the surface, but let’s dig a little deeper by using a quick example. Let’s take an average guy who is 80 lbs. overweight, addicted to sugar, drinks too much, and does not exercise enough. He incessantly tells himself that he loves himself for who he is (which is great), but then turns around and continues to persist in his self-destructive lifestyle habits! Let’s take a quick look at what he is doing to himself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, and I will let you decide if it is possible for him to “love himself for who he is.”

When this gentleman slams a beer or a soda pop every day, and often numerous times throughout the day, he elevates key stress hormones, such as cortisol (2) and he overstimulates key pleasure centers in his brain, such as dopamine. When these key hormones and neurotransmitters become imbalanced, it creates a state of physiological, mental, and emotional stress .(3) Under these circumstances, it becomes very hard to love ourselves for “who we are” because “who we are” is an imbalanced physical body of hormones and neurotransmitters! Instead, we feel cranky, irritable, nervous, anxious, and doubtful– hardly the blissful state of self-love that we seek!

“Your Biology Is The Ground-Substance of Your Psychology”

Biology and psychology are inseparable. For example, Dr. Josh Axe explains in detail how Leaky Gut Syndrome (destroying your gut lining through processed foods) has vast consequences on both your health and mental well-being in his book, Eat Dirt: Why Leaky Gut May Be the Root Cause of Your Health Problems and 5 Surprising Steps To Cure It! (1). I highly recommend it because it will clearly show you that your diet is intimately linked, not only to your physical health, but also to your mental and emotional health. In other words, you are what you eat!

You Are Pre-Engineered For Personal Improvement

Have you ever considered that you are pre-engineered to better yourself spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically? This is literally built into your DNA coding to help secure the survival of the human race. Therefore we are naturally drawn to real whole foods, sex, water, and goals! We are innately hard-wired to figure things out, build better relationships, love more, and help humanity progress.

With this in mind, I want you to ask yourself a very introspective question. Can you possibly become your “best you” when you are living a lifestyle that tears you down physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually?

True love is caring for yourself, NOT excusing yourself! It is all too easy to forget that you live in a beautiful, resilient, and capable body that deserves the very best food, thoughts, water, and lifestyle practices. It is all too easy to tell ourselves that we love ourselves the way we are when we are simultaneously practicing self-destructive lifestyle habits.

True Love is Caring for Yourself, NOT Excusing Yourself!

My intention here is not guilt you or shame you. My sincere intention is that you will begin to see yourself as a spiritual and physical being who is worthy of your best practices. Don’t make this overwhelming! Start with one small step at a time. If you are currently eating 200 grams of sugar per day, start next week only consuming 190, and then celebrate your victories. YES, you should love yourself unconditionally at all times, even when you fall off the wagon. YES, you should accept yourself in the moment! Please realize that true self-love IS true self-care, IS true self-responsibility, and IS true- AWARENESS of your everyday practices!

Thanks for reading, my friend! My name is Griff Neilson, and I am reminding you to never excuse away your inner greatness and always remember . . .

Life is Good!





About The Author:

Griff Neilson is a public speaker and entrepreneur with an avid passion for health and DSC_0531
fitness. His many areas of specialization include the science of sugar addiction, holistic health and personal development.In addition to his professional research, Griff is also a multiple certified personal trainer and a Level III CHEK Holistic Lifestyle Coach.

If you struggle with food/sugar addiction and don’t know where to turn, please visit There you will receive a free report on sugar addiction in addition to a comprehensive sugar addiction quiz. Discover your level of food addiction and what you can do about it.

5 thoughts on “The Danger of Loving Yourself “For Who You Are” (And How To Fall In Love With Yourself The Right Way!)

  1. Antonin Scalia died from lack of workout; this reality has generated a+1 year-long vacancy in the US Supreme Court (a worse constitutional crisis than Watergate).


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